I have been very slack with blog writing recently, mainly because Amelie is keeping me on my toes! Over the last few weeks she has really started to develop a personality. She greets us with a smile every morning and, shock, horror, is sleeping through the night. 6.30pm to 6.30/7am! I must say the first time it happened I thought I had just slept through her crying! I really feel like a human being again now that I am getting proper sleep and actually manage to read for a while before bed now!
Amelie is such a happy soul - she's always laughing and smiling and often babbles to herself for ages - wonder what she's saying!
A few days ago she rolled over front to back. She's decided not to repeat it though!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
Amelie's Arrival - a story
During my stay in hospital I starting writing a story about Amelie's arrival into the world. I wanted to be able to explain to her when she's older what happened in a way that made it sound really special. Here it is...
On a cold December day mummy and daddy went to the hospital so that the doctor could look at Amelie in mummy’s tummy. He needed to make sure that she was growing big and strong.
“Oh no,” he said when he saw Amelie in mummy’s tummy. “Amelie isn’t growing and isn’t getting enough food to make her big and strong like other babies. We need to take her out of mummy’s tummy so that we can look after her.”
Mummy and daddy were very scared. Amelie wasn’t very big and her birthday wasn’t meant to be until February 16 2010. Today was December 17 2009! It was too early!
But the doctor, who was a very clever man, told mummy and daddy that everything would be OK.
Once Amelie was out of mummy’s tummy she would go to a special place where only babies like Amelie were allowed to go. It was a very special place for very special babies!
So mummy and daddy went to a room called an operating theatre and the doctors and nurses took Amelie from mummy’s tummy. Mummy and daddy were very scared but when they saw Amelie and heard her cry they were very happy.
Amelie was taken to the special place and she was put in an incubator where it was very warm. Amelie liked the incubator. It was quiet and warm just like mummy’s tummy!
Amelie would have to live in the incubator for a while. Mummy and daddy were allowed to touch her through special holes in the side of the incubator. She liked it a lot when mummy and daddy touched her, especially on her head and tummy. It felt really nice.
As Amelie grew bigger the doctors and nurses said that mummy and daddy could take her out of the incubator for cuddles. This was Amelie’s favourite thing to do.
Amelie liked to look around a lot in the incubator. More than other babies! She had to wear special glasses for a while because she was jaundiced. This meant that her skin was a bit yellow in colour.
Amelie didn’t like the glasses. They annoyed her and as she couldn’t see anything and she really wanted to look at all the people in the special place. But every time she pulled the glasses off the nurse looking after her put them back on! Amelie didn’t like that and cried when that happened.
Mummy had to stay in hospital for a little while because when Amelie arrived mummy lost a lot of blood. Blood is very important and the doctors and nurses had to give mummy some more blood to make sure she was OK.
Mummy was allowed to go home after five days. She was very happy about this but upset that Amelie wasn’t allowed to go with her.
When mummy and daddy arrived home they made sure that Amelie’s new room was ready so that when Amelie was allowed home she had lots of new toys to play with! They painted it green and filled it with teddy bears and other nice things.
Mummy and daddy visited the hospital every day and gradually Amelie grew bigger and stronger. After a while the doctors said that Amelie could move to another hospital. This was a sure sign that she was getting better.
The new hospital was closer to Amelie’s house and it meant that mummy and daddy could spend more time with Amelie. They visited every day.
Amelie was now much bigger than when she was first born and the doctors said that she could move out of her incubator and into a cot. This meant that mummy and daddy could cuddle Amelie whenever they wanted as the cot had no roof like an incubator.
Amelie liked the cot but she sometimes got a bit cold and had to wear lots of clothes to keep her warm.
Then on January 29 2010 the doctors said that Amelie could go home with mummy and daddy!
Everyone was so excited about this and lots of people like Amelie’s grandparents said they would come and visit. They weren’t allowed to visit Amelie in the hospital so they were really happy that she was coming home.
It was very cold when Amelie left the hospital and mummy and daddy kept her very warm until she got home.
Amelie’s new home was in a place called St Albans. She had her own room and her own bed. She liked living there a lot.
She liked it because she could get cuddles from mummy and daddy all the time and because she had lots of toys to play with.
Everyone who met Amelie said she was very special and made lots of fuss over her. She was a very lucky little girl.
The end
On a cold December day mummy and daddy went to the hospital so that the doctor could look at Amelie in mummy’s tummy. He needed to make sure that she was growing big and strong.
“Oh no,” he said when he saw Amelie in mummy’s tummy. “Amelie isn’t growing and isn’t getting enough food to make her big and strong like other babies. We need to take her out of mummy’s tummy so that we can look after her.”
Mummy and daddy were very scared. Amelie wasn’t very big and her birthday wasn’t meant to be until February 16 2010. Today was December 17 2009! It was too early!
But the doctor, who was a very clever man, told mummy and daddy that everything would be OK.
Once Amelie was out of mummy’s tummy she would go to a special place where only babies like Amelie were allowed to go. It was a very special place for very special babies!
So mummy and daddy went to a room called an operating theatre and the doctors and nurses took Amelie from mummy’s tummy. Mummy and daddy were very scared but when they saw Amelie and heard her cry they were very happy.
Amelie was taken to the special place and she was put in an incubator where it was very warm. Amelie liked the incubator. It was quiet and warm just like mummy’s tummy!
Amelie would have to live in the incubator for a while. Mummy and daddy were allowed to touch her through special holes in the side of the incubator. She liked it a lot when mummy and daddy touched her, especially on her head and tummy. It felt really nice.
As Amelie grew bigger the doctors and nurses said that mummy and daddy could take her out of the incubator for cuddles. This was Amelie’s favourite thing to do.
Amelie liked to look around a lot in the incubator. More than other babies! She had to wear special glasses for a while because she was jaundiced. This meant that her skin was a bit yellow in colour.
Amelie didn’t like the glasses. They annoyed her and as she couldn’t see anything and she really wanted to look at all the people in the special place. But every time she pulled the glasses off the nurse looking after her put them back on! Amelie didn’t like that and cried when that happened.
Mummy had to stay in hospital for a little while because when Amelie arrived mummy lost a lot of blood. Blood is very important and the doctors and nurses had to give mummy some more blood to make sure she was OK.
Mummy was allowed to go home after five days. She was very happy about this but upset that Amelie wasn’t allowed to go with her.
When mummy and daddy arrived home they made sure that Amelie’s new room was ready so that when Amelie was allowed home she had lots of new toys to play with! They painted it green and filled it with teddy bears and other nice things.
Mummy and daddy visited the hospital every day and gradually Amelie grew bigger and stronger. After a while the doctors said that Amelie could move to another hospital. This was a sure sign that she was getting better.
The new hospital was closer to Amelie’s house and it meant that mummy and daddy could spend more time with Amelie. They visited every day.
Amelie was now much bigger than when she was first born and the doctors said that she could move out of her incubator and into a cot. This meant that mummy and daddy could cuddle Amelie whenever they wanted as the cot had no roof like an incubator.
Amelie liked the cot but she sometimes got a bit cold and had to wear lots of clothes to keep her warm.
Then on January 29 2010 the doctors said that Amelie could go home with mummy and daddy!
Everyone was so excited about this and lots of people like Amelie’s grandparents said they would come and visit. They weren’t allowed to visit Amelie in the hospital so they were really happy that she was coming home.
It was very cold when Amelie left the hospital and mummy and daddy kept her very warm until she got home.
Amelie’s new home was in a place called St Albans. She had her own room and her own bed. She liked living there a lot.
She liked it because she could get cuddles from mummy and daddy all the time and because she had lots of toys to play with.
Everyone who met Amelie said she was very special and made lots of fuss over her. She was a very lucky little girl.
The end
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
She's coming home!
After six long weeks in hospital (five in the Lister, Stevenage and one in the QE2, Welwyn Garden City) the doctors finally allowed Amelie to come home. January 29 2010 is a date that will be forever etched on my brain! She had only been bottle feeding properly for two days when we brought her home so it was a bit scary. They do allow babies with tubes to be taken home but we wanted to avoid this at all costs. Amelie hated her tube and was always trying to pull it out. Also, as her feeds got bigger, tube feeding became more and more uncomfortable for her. Looking back I think this was the start of her reflux, more on that later.
So, on January 28 Rahul and I 'roomed in' at the hospital. The nurses recommend that parents stay the final night in hospital with their baby so that they can get used to having a baby and also ask any questions that might crop up in the middle of the night! The hospital had a room just off the main neo natal ward for this. It was the most uncomfortable nights sleep I've had since backpacking around the world about 15 years ago! We had to sleep in single camp beds under a window which we couldn't shut. It was freezing! Also, Amelie made the strangest noises in her sleep - lots of groans, grunts, squeals and squeaks! Apparently all prem babies make these noises and nobody can explain why! It was a very odd night. Also, the unit was very busy that night with a few emergency admissions. I was glad that we couldn't see what was going on.
The next morning the nurses showed me how to bathe Amelie and gave me some basic advice on "what to do if.." and that was it. We were free to go! She looked so tiny in the car seat and we were really quite worried about taking her out into the cold. We literally sprinted to the car!
I can't really remember that first night now (or week really) but I do remember feeling totally overwhelmed and a little bit scared. Now we were in charge. No more nurses to ask for advice. Cripes!
The first six weeks
The first thing that hits you when you walk into an SCBU is the noise. Monitors beep every few seconds and the staff rush around looking after the babies (they generally look after 3 babies each and there were around 16 in this SCBU).
The one noise you will never hear in the SCBU is the sound of babies crying. 16 babies and not a peep. That's because most of the little mites are tucked away in incubators that are virtually sound proof. Its a surreal experience and I never want to hear the sound of a heart rate monitor again. Rahul and I can't bear the sound and if we ever hear it on TV we shudder.
Amelie had to stay in hospital for six weeks before we were allowed to take her home. This was incredibly draining for both Rahul and myself. Not only did we have to drive to the hospital everyday (an hour round trip) but we also had to watch her in her incubator. It was like being in a zoo. Horrible. As she grew stronger and the risk of infection passed we were able to take her out but it was such a faff. In the beginning we had to get a nurse to help as all her wires just got in the way. As we became more confident we were able to do it ourselves. We also got to change her nappy (the size of a dollies!) and feed her but this had to be done through the two holes in the side of the incubator. No mean feat sometimes! Amelie was fed through a tube for the first five weeks of her life. It was horrible. As she began to consume more milk the tube became more and more uncomfortable for her and often she would bring all the milk back up again. This would happen over and over again and it could take an hour to feed her 60mls of milk. Tiring when you are standing up, holding the feeding tube in your hand. I am also conviced that this is where her reflux started (more of that later).
As well as dealing with your own shock at having a baby in the SCBU you are also witness to other people's suffering. Some of the babies in the unit were smaller than Amelie and lots were seriously ill. You try not to look at other babies in the incubators and focus on your own but sometimes you would glance over and see a poor little mite on a respitator. It was really emotionally draining and I hope that all the babies who were in the unit are now home with the families. Again, we were so incredibly lucky that our little girl was just small.
After five weeks in an incubator Amelie was moved to a hospital closer to home and was taken out of the heated perspex box and put in a open cot (a perspex box without a lid!). This was a real trumph as it meant she was getting big enough to come home. A real milestone.
The one noise you will never hear in the SCBU is the sound of babies crying. 16 babies and not a peep. That's because most of the little mites are tucked away in incubators that are virtually sound proof. Its a surreal experience and I never want to hear the sound of a heart rate monitor again. Rahul and I can't bear the sound and if we ever hear it on TV we shudder.
Amelie had to stay in hospital for six weeks before we were allowed to take her home. This was incredibly draining for both Rahul and myself. Not only did we have to drive to the hospital everyday (an hour round trip) but we also had to watch her in her incubator. It was like being in a zoo. Horrible. As she grew stronger and the risk of infection passed we were able to take her out but it was such a faff. In the beginning we had to get a nurse to help as all her wires just got in the way. As we became more confident we were able to do it ourselves. We also got to change her nappy (the size of a dollies!) and feed her but this had to be done through the two holes in the side of the incubator. No mean feat sometimes! Amelie was fed through a tube for the first five weeks of her life. It was horrible. As she began to consume more milk the tube became more and more uncomfortable for her and often she would bring all the milk back up again. This would happen over and over again and it could take an hour to feed her 60mls of milk. Tiring when you are standing up, holding the feeding tube in your hand. I am also conviced that this is where her reflux started (more of that later).
As well as dealing with your own shock at having a baby in the SCBU you are also witness to other people's suffering. Some of the babies in the unit were smaller than Amelie and lots were seriously ill. You try not to look at other babies in the incubators and focus on your own but sometimes you would glance over and see a poor little mite on a respitator. It was really emotionally draining and I hope that all the babies who were in the unit are now home with the families. Again, we were so incredibly lucky that our little girl was just small.
After five weeks in an incubator Amelie was moved to a hospital closer to home and was taken out of the heated perspex box and put in a open cot (a perspex box without a lid!). This was a real trumph as it meant she was getting big enough to come home. A real milestone.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Those first few days
Anyone who tells you that a c section is a piece of cake is lying and I will never understand why anyone would choose to have one. Its major abdominal surgery and it takes a while to recover. Because I had to have a blood transfusion I was very weak and in a lot of pain for a few days after the op. All in all I was in hospital for 5 days. The first night was horrible. I was away from my little girl in a high dependency unit and my body was still in shock. I was shaking for the entire night and got very little sleep. The next morning a nurse came to bathe me - there is no dignity after a major op! - and Rahul wheeled me up to see Amelie in the SCBU (Special Baby Unit). It was wonderful and horrible to see her in the incubator. Wonderful because it was the first time I had really seen her up close and horrible because she was hooked up to loads of tubes and was so tiny (1.098kgs). She was also very hairy - she still had all the down that was keeping her warm in my womb! To not be able to cuddle her and say hello was very hard and I knew from that point that breast feeding was going to be very hard. I couldn't bond with my baby and my milk would probably be slow in coming. It was. I managed to express all of my colostrum and some milk for around 2 weeks and then it dried up. I have to say I felt like a very bad mother and it took me a long time to get over the fact that Amelie would not be breast fed. Once again my baby girl was not getting the start in life that I had hoped for.
Because she was so small she had to be transferred to the Lister hospital in Stevenage which had a Level 3 (the highest level) SCBU. I was very weak that day and the specialist team who would be transporting her wheeled her down to see me on the maternity ward (I was moved out of high dependency). The incubator was very high tech but I was assured that she was fine and that all the wires etc. were just a precautionary measure. Nevertheless I was terrified for her. What made it worse was the fact that I couldn't travel with her. In fact I wasn't moved to the Lister until the following day (my first - and last I hope - trip in an ambulance). It was really hard knowing that she was in another hospital several miles away. The only way I got through the rest of the day and some of the following was to tell myself that she was in excellent hands and that I had to concentrate on getting stronger.
December 17 2009
December 17 2009 started like any other ordinary day. I was due to have a scan at the hospital where Amelie (we were told at an earlier scan that we were probably having a girl so her name was already chosen!) was due to be born. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (GD) at around 28 weeks and had to have a couple of extra scans just to make sure that Amelie wasn't getting too big. Babies with mums with GD have a tendency to get a bit too big in the womb. We arrived for the scan and waited until my name was called. So far so ordinary.
Rahul said he knew something was wrong when he saw the sonogram. I hadn't a clue what was happening because I couldn't really see the image. The sonographer (is that what they are called?!) said that she needed to speak to the consultant and could we wait outside. At this stage I think I just went into autopilot and shock kicked in. We were then called in to see the diabetes doctor who told me that my diabetes was under control. Good news. He then said that there was a problem with my placenta and that I had reverse blood flow which meant that my placenta wasn't providing Amelie with everything that she needed. At that point the gynaecologist came in and said that Amelie needed be delivered straight away. Rahul almost passed out and all I can really remember about this is that we asked what the odds of survival were. We were told that they were good and that babies could be delivered at a much earlier gestation.
Things are very blurry beyond this point. I was rushed to the delivery suite and I was hooked up to a monitor to listen to Amelie's heartbeat while they prepped me. A midwife came in to insert a line in my hand. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced and I almost passed out with pain.
Less than one hour later I was in the operating theatre having a spinal. This didn't hurt - all I felt was pressure on my lower back . At this point I went into total shock and I started shaking uncontrollably. All I could think was that Amelie wouldn't survive and that I only came in for a scan. How could this be happening?
During the c section which I was awake for the obstetrician found that I had placenta acreta which meant that my placenta was stuck to the side of my womb and had to be literally scraped off. Had I given birth naturally I would have had to have an operation immediately after Amelie was delivered to get the placenta out. As a result I had to have a blood transfusion.
Things are very blurry but I remember the medical team showing me Amelie (who didn't cry immediately) before putting her in an incubator and whisking her off to the special baby unit. I couldn't hold her, or even touch her which was heartbreaking.
So Amelie's arrival into the world was far from smooth! Thankfully she is doing fine now. She's not as big as other babies her age but she's feisty, determined and growing steadily. We are very very lucky and I tell myself this every time she wakes in the night. Her crying is comforting as I know that the reason she is crying is because she is hungry and growing and for that we are so so thankful.
Amelie's arrival
Amelie was due to arrive on February 16 2010 but decided to arrive two months early on December 17 2009! She certainly gave her mum and dad a scare! Thankfully she was well when she was born, just a bit small. This is a a blog about her entry into the world and the joy she brings to her parents. I hope you enjoy reading it.
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